March 30, 2006: Q & A

Q. This morning while riding the bus I realized that I had forgotten my Sudoku book and had no other reading materials with me; I noticed the man sitting next to me was reading “What Your CEO Wants You to Know” I glanced at it and read a few paragraphs. Then I stopped and wondered if this might be offensive, I rode the rest of the way looking out the window. Please Brutal Truth, give me your opinion on this.

A. Vanessa: Ahh – a question for the ages. No, it’s not wrong to shoulderdrop (or whatever the visual equivalent is to eavesdropping) for a few paragraphs. After all, you can do it on Amazon for free, and would’ve been a lot less annoying to the poor reader who had you perched with bated (and hopefully fresh) breath behind him subliminally willing him to turn the damn page. If you liked the book, (bo-ring), then I urge you to buy it or rent it from the library (yes they still exist). It is not an honorable option to sit in Barnes & Noble, sippin’ on your Shirley Temple, or whatever it is that you drink, reading the book in its near entirety but not purchasing.

A. April: Did the book make mention that your CEO wants you to know reading over someone’s shoulder is inappropriate? I know if someone were reading over my shoulder, I’d be totally creeped out (then again, I don’t like people even breathing on me). You were right to think this might be offensive….it’s an invasion of someone’s space, and totally nosy. Next time be sure to pack your own reading materials.

Q. There’s a guy I’m interested in getting to know better. The problem is, one of my good friends is infatuated with him. I don’t think she has a chance in hell with him, but she made her feelings known to me first and I know she would be hurt if she thought I was interested. I know this is an age-old dilemna. If I was in love with him, I know what I’d do, but this is more along the lines of low-level interest. What if I just want to mess around with him, but that’s all? I think my friend should get over it, but am I wrong to want to see what happens? Is he fair game?

A. Vanessa: Ooh I’ve got a story for this! It’s not exactly the same, b/c we weren’t friends, but close enough. In tenth grade this hooker girl, Julie Cyzinski, pulled me out of French class, (and by pulled me out I mean she walked in during the middle of class and told the teacher she needed to talk to me outside), to tell me she was going to kick my ass because Kevin I-don't-even-remember-his-last-name liked me and not her. Fortunately for me, right as she was *this close* to cleaning my clock, the vice principal came around the corner. He had overheard her threats (this is when eavesdropping is acceptable) and ushered her to the office. Staving off an otherwise certain death, I avoided her and Kevin like VO for the rest of the school year. They ended up dating and then I think broke up like senior year or something but by that time I had already retreated to Seattle. What was the question?

Oh yeah. So, two things here. 1. You're right -- unrequited affection doesn’t entail squatting rights. 2. You're right again -- your friend WILL BE pissed. So, if a potential booty call is worth what will likely cost you your friendship, then go for it. If this is your choice, then be completely forthright with your intentions. Hopefully your friend is less menacing than Julie Cyzinski was. That said, because you're not really that into him, I suggest dropping it until he has made it clear that he’s actually into you. Just because we can do certain things in life, doesn’t mean we should. And in this case, while you may have ethical license, it's still technically uncool, and smacks of just wanting to flex your attention-getting prowess.

A. April: This kind of seems like a no-brainer to me. If you already know that your friend would be hurt if she thought you were interested in this guy, ask yourself if he’s worth it to you. It seems like you’re kind of a bad friend if your low-level interest in this guy would trump a good friendship. If you decide to disrput your friendship for 20 minutes (at max) of “messing around”, be prepared to deal with the reprecussions. Your friends feelings wil be hurt regardless if you think she doesn’t stand a chance with him.