February 27, 2006 Q&A

Q: We have a front receptionist at work who has rank breath. She just...smells. And you know what she smells like? Her breath smells like she's just gone down on some chick. She doesn't have B.O., she's got V.O. And in the worst way. She's a really close talker and she's all up in your face with her stinky halitosis. The worst part is, she's the first person our clients see/smell when they come in the office. Everyone at work is trying to figure out how to politely tell her without hurting her feelings. Any suggestions? P.S. The woman is 70 and lives with her mom, so I don't think she's gettin' busy with anyone. Oh, and she won't chew gum because of her dentures. I swear to God this is legit.

A. April: Ok now, do you really want to crush some 70 year old woman by informing her that her breath smells like a rotting can of tuna?? Sounds like this lady has it hard enough with living at home with her mother (who must be what? Like 100??) and having a mouthful of dentures. However, if you really feel you must say or do something, might I suggest a passive-aggressive approach? Say a nice basket full of Efferdent, floss, and mouthwash for Easter? Ok, in all seriousness, there is no easy way to approach this. Either way, you’re probably going to wind up hurting the woman’s feelings. Nobody likes to get called out for something embarrassing like this, and most likely, she probably isn’t aware of her stank-ass breath. But if you must, someone should pull her aside and gently inform her that her breath isn’t the freshest it could possibly be (and doesn’t she want to have the freshest breath in the office??). You’ll have to draw straws to figure out who gets that lucky chore.

Vanessa: Dude why isn't HR saying something? That's their job. Well they do lots of other things too like firing people, but I'm pretty sure that BO, or VO as it were, falls squarely w/in the HR sphere of responsibility. So my first expert suggestion would be to pass the buck. (Incidentally, this is a really effective approach for anything that ever gets assigned to you. Ever.) Unless of course you are actually HR, and in that case you should ask for some advice. Right. You could send an anonymous email (Google it to find a service who does this for free) but whatever you say in an email is what you could say in person if you had any balls. So, my second expert suggestion is a technique I learned from one of the many dysfunctional managers I've had in my life: it's called "sandwiching" and works like this -- sweet/harsh/sweet. E.g., "Mary, you answer the phones so well, but your breath is attracting flies; btw, great rack." And lastly, the totally-boring-but-honorable-approach wherein someone who actually cares for Mary pulls her aside when no one else is around (early in the morning or whatever) and says something to the effect of: "Mary, this is really awkward to say but I think you may need some mouthwash. I hope you would tell me too, if you ever noticed my breath. I have some at my desk, would you like me to bring you some?" And then you treat her as if there is nothing to be embarassed about, because there isn't. Getting your monthly visitor on a business meeting and having to scoot out the back while the company receptionist scrubs the evidence? Now that's something to be embarassed about.