Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I have been fantasizing about a threesome with the DBT girls for years. Problem is, I am stuck in Vegas washing dishes at the Tao because I ran out of money (mostly playing blackjack in the playboy club at the Palms--damn those girls have some bazoombas).
Anyway, I am wondering how I can break out of this self-sabotaging cycle and do the nasty with the two nastiest girls around. Any advice would be most appreciated.
ACL: Please send a photo and I'll take it into consideration.
Friday, December 11, 2009
- If I do nothing, all the girls I have consulted have told me, "That's because you are a nice guy." Thank you ladies, but that doesn't help put The Duke back on the horse. No man really wants to be that. We want to be the guy who appears in movies with the "scumbag music" in the background. A little edgy, perhaps dangerous, and could certainly go Full Tiger is he decided to. This approach, while commendable, does nothing to repair the damage to my ego that has been brought by questioning my ability to pull.
- If I prove it to her, go Full Tiger, and provide a list, video tapes, and various bottles of half used lotions, she will no doubt divorce me.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
- Be cool and stuff about where you post 'em. While these are works of art, maybe keep them out of museums. For now.
- Break the law at your own risk.
(P.S. Thanks to StickerShockNorthwest for hooking us up!)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I have an example, but it’s kind of convoluted. Last week, I helped my friend out with babysitting while her husband was out of town. In return, I borrowed the car for a week. It seemed like a pretty fair trade to me.
Here’s where it gets hairy though: my friend and her husband are in the middle of a major squabble now because she doesn’t think he is grateful enough for how hard she has to work when he’s out of town. So in their weekly therapy session, she brought me up as an example and accused her husband of being uncool to me and never thanking me for helping them. She went even further and told him that my feelings were hurt and that I was upset.
Next, I got a text message from him apologizing for being an a-hole.
I don’t want to stab my best friend in the back, but I don’t like being dragged into their marital problems, didn’t think he was being an asshole (maybe to her, but not to me) and don’t even want the apology. Do I accept the apology and thank him? Do I tell him that he doesn’t need to apologize to me? Or do I get really brave and ask her not to bring me into the mix?
A. ACL: Wow, sounds like your friend is using you to express her anger to her
husband. (Did I just go deep or what!?) I’m sure their therapist
figured that one out though. Don’t you just hate when friends (or
family members) put you in the middle of their issues? Can you say
AWKWARD??? Kinda like when you're in a room of friends and someone
farts, but nobody says they notice the fart (when they obviously do)
and eventually one of your friends says “ok, who farted?” and then
everyone stares back at that friend blankly. Um, or has that just
happened to me? Ooh, but let’s get back to your question. I think
you’ve got the answer already figured out here. In my little ‘ol
opinion you should tell the husband that he doesn’t need to apologize
and get ballsy and tell your friend not to drag you into their marital
A. VF: It's weird they're in therapy -- they seem so functional.
Anyway, you don't owe your lady friend anything, much less a lie. As for her husband, well, tell him the truth and if your friend has to deal with the clean up from that, that'll probably teach her not to speak for other people.Stab, stab, stabby.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
A. VF: I don't know. Why don't you ask your mom?
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Like everyone from soccer moms and stalkers to tweens and twinks, I have been sucked into Facebook. I update my status, talk smack to my friends and post unflattering pictures of frienemies. The problem is Facebook has been nothing but trouble for me. Specifically, I recently posted pictures of a party that I attended. This produced a number of hilarious comments from the other attendees. Everything seemed great until I got a nastigram from my brother. He was pissed that he was not invited to said party and felt "hurt" to learn about it via FB. He was also angry that a lot of the attendees, including the hosts, were his FB friends. His suggested solution is that I tell him about all of the parties going forward so he can make sure to come.
I feel awkward about this whole thing. I mean: can guests invite guests?
ACL: No! Guests cannot invite guests! I think I see now why your bro wasn’t on the list originally. Ok, that’s harsh….but basically your hands were tied with this one. If it was your party and you didn’t invite him, that woud be one thing (I mean, that’s just rude). But in this case, you didn’t control the guest list, nor should you have invited other guests UNLESS the invite specifically said “feel free to bring your freeloading friends or relatives”. I can see how your brother would feel hurt, but in this case, his anger is misdirected. Tell him to take it up with the party-thrower and to leave you out of it.
I'm recently single and I've noticed a trend in my ex moving in on my friends. Now these aren't mutual friends, but "my" friends whom she met through me and wouldn't have met otherwise. I've moved on, but live in a small community where people love to gossip, especially when it involves my ex hitting on "my" friends. My question is this, Should I be bummed on my friends if they end up fucking my ex? I'd never date one of my friends ex's, nor would I fuck one of them. I just feel that there are plenty other options out there and I'd rather avoid awkwardness. Now maybe that's just me. I don't give a shit what other people do, I have my own morals and don't judge others....well, I guess we all judge, but I don't really care what my ex does. Okay, blah blah....now my question:
Would a friend be disrespectful to me if he fucked my ex? Should I give two shits? Why or why not??
VF: A) You've managed to spend the f*ck quota all in one question. Nicely done. B) I have no problem judging - that's why I'm here. C) If your friends hook up with your skanky ex, they're d-bags. (And now you know what I think of your ex.)
It sounds like she's trying - subconscious or otherwise - to prove something to you, to herself, to whomever, which is why she's dipping in the community pool. Consider yourself lucky she's gone. Oh, and your friends owe you more than your ex does. I might understand if we're talking soulmate shit here, but we're not. It's sex. And if they're so desperate for it, there's lots of other perfectly acceptable options ... say, paying for it or hitting up a sorority.