Q & A: November 18, 2006

Q. Dear Brutal Truth -- My children are regular, average, normal kids and I don’t want to put them in the local Juicy Couture, video game promoting public school in my Westlake-ish neighborhood and have them come out looking like Barbie’s who crave Hummer’s. On the contrary, the other choice is Kirby Hall where the little darlings will learn, learn, learn. There are no sports and each kid wears a Land’s End navy and white uniform. The KHS culture is all about super smart kids achieving and being the best brains. Am I pushing my children down the Star Trek path — being married to a Trekkie, I know that there might be a genetic predisposition. Will my children never fit in at a football game? Is that even important? I want my kids to be vibrant, well-rounded and have lots of close friends. Will Kirby Hall demand all their time for academia and turn them into little nerds?

A. Vanessa: Hi. Your choices are not limited to Hummer Barbie or Spock dork. Though I can see how you'd think that -- IF you're totally weighted down in your own life by other people's perceptions. How do kids turn in to vapid fops and social misfits? By not feeling good enough. (You academic sorts out there might think this over-simplified. It's not. Quit hatin'.) The pattern of self-doubt should stop with you so if you want to raise hip kids well, the ball's in your court. I would start by dropping your rigid definitions of what it looks like to be cool. Kids totally pick up society's and their parents' expectations and fears, which means that all those places where you don't feel good enough are wrapped up like a lame Christmas present for your kid to undertake. So, it's not about Westlake or Kirby Hall. They're just symptoms. It's about cultivating a deep-seated confidence. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, sister, so BE the change. P.S. Either way you go, depending on your child's interests, you may need to supplement their school activities. No big deal.

A. April: Which do you see the less of two evils? A hobbit-loving kid with an active imagination, or a self-centered brat who believes the world revolves around designer jeans? You seem to be worried your kids will grow up like your husband…which is kinda rude in and of itself. He’s a dork and you love him anyway…what would be so bad for your kids to be the similar? If your concern is that your kids won’t have the opportunity to play sports at school, here’s an idea – enroll them in a city league or after-school program! The world would be a much better place with some smarties running around…..let them be free to be nerds. By the way, just because they're smart doesn't mean they're weiners.