April 17, 2006: Q & A

Q: so....i go on a mini-vacation with my friend. said friend and I used to hook up, with no emotional relationship.....and now we are friends with no hooking up - just happened that way. on my amazing vacation i meet a most amazing man. honestly, sun and sand notwithstanding, I have really been waiting thirty five years to feel such a connection. I was feeling ?respect? for the used to be status of my travelling friend, so I did hook up with man-of-dreams, but definitely not as much as I wish I had. while in 'public' we were friendly but not obvious, as m-o-d knew of my travelling friend's used to be status. at the end of the short vacation I got really shy and wigged out saying bye in front of my friend - did not give or get any kind of address - super cool.
so am I a stalker if I ask friends in the area how to get in touch with him? did I make it all up as a vacation dream? or do I get to trust how strong that feeling actually was and at least send him a thank you for being so powerful and kind.....and then see what happens?
I don't expect much from it......but I also believe that the universe gives in relation to what you put out........ ????????????????

A. April: This is really interesting because I was just having a discussion with my dear friend about a similar situation. But it was in the context of the dumbass book "He’s just not that into you"………so, err, where was I?? Given the circumstances under which you two parted ways (i.e. your friend there……making it uncomfortable for you and M-O-D to entertain the idea of PDA), I’d say go forth with the stalking. I don’t recommend you profess your love or anything, but a kind note to say, "hey – thanks for the disease-free hookup!" seems harmless to me. If you find him and he thinks "wow, this person is a freak!", well, at least you don’t live in the same town. So, you really have nothing to lose here – and maybe if things work out, at least a new friend gained.
A. Vanessa: Does sending a thank you involve one or more of the following: getting the phone number and calling it repeatedly with little/no response, a video camera, or wire tapping? No? Okay, not stalking. There's no telling if he found the hook-up as magical as you did, but there's only one way to find out, and I'm a firm believer in both taking risks and trusting your gut.
One-hundred-zillion-percent-agree that the universe gives back what you put out. Unfortunately it doesn't always give back in the way that we expect it to. So, any effort you extend should be done free of expectations -- meaning you say "thank you" etc. and if he never responds or answers"no thanks", then know that while it may smart a little, it's not personal, and you still had an amazing mini-vacation. Keep us posted on how it goes!

Follow up to Therapist posting:
A reader sent in this website as an online resource for therapy options. Though we here at Dear Brutal Truth are cute do enjoy telling you how to think, our sizable budget (zero) doesn't include employing a fact-checker -- YET. So make up your own mind on the site.